To Riverside, CA and Back: A Tale About How it is Too Hot in Bakersfield

I went all the way to Riverside, CA and all I got was a lousy Birkenstock tan.

True story. Its like, 2200 miles round-trip. My girlfriend and I just spent a week chaperoning a good friend to Riverside, CA from Seattle, WA. Two places that really, couldn't have less in common. 

Ex. 1:  Liquor stores:  

Liquor stores in California are everywhere. Or, more correctly put, everything is a liquor store. Need shoes? Buy a pair that don't need socks and you can grab some rum at the register. Got a late night craving? Hope it is for booze because to get to the chips, you have to pass the vodka. Lost and need directions? Well, the gas station may not know where I-5 is, but they are having a sale of two packs of Smirnoff. 

The liquor store was a totally different brand of fucking nuts. It wasn't a seedy corner mart in the parking lot of the Super 8 or anything, but it was this place called Liquor Expo. We thought it was like, a special event or something.

It wasn't.

It was however, a warehouse full of liquor deals. I'm serious, we got a half gallon of Rich&Rare for $13. Now, I'm no cowboy, so I don't know much about whiskey but that seems like a pretty good deal because that is like, $1.50 per hangover, depending on your size.

Ex 2:  Turn Signals

I was raised and grew into a woman who thinks that turn signals are incredibly important. Maybe the most significant and noteworthy thing about the back of a car, even. In California, and I drove through the entire state, doesn't have any turn signals. This may driving appear impossible, or at least impossibly lucky because no one died in front of me.

This is how I change lanes:  turn on signal, wait 5 seconds, glance & go. (And you know, I used to feel pretty reckless)

This is how Californians change lanes:  without hesitation. (Turns out, I'm a pussy)

California drivers are the worst. Real talk, I don't hesitate to criticize people but I do try to avoid hating people because of the way they are, you know. Maybe they were born that way, or something. Personal choices are not the business of anyone else and we shouldn't ban any type of person, etc, right?
Wrong.
This kind of behavior is destroying the fiber of the American Family and seeks to subvert the very ground our country was built upon. These drivers are barbarians that need to be cured.
(I think California drivers make more sense in this argument than gay people do because not using your turn signals can actually ruin your family or kill someone. Ya dig?)

Despite the differences,  Riverside was a pretty cool place. I know lots of people will disagree with that statement but I really like pupusas. You see, in Seattle you can only get them at Guanaco's Tacos, really. And that pupuseria on Aurora. Its wayyy north and I really strive to never go that direction on that road. So super thumbs up on that.

photo credit insidesocial.com

(Pupusa:  A Salvadorian food. From El Salvador, not Mexico. It is a thick corn tortilla filled, generally, with pork, cheese and spices however, in Seattle you can get them sans meat if you're like that.

Generally, you can buy one for like $2.50 and they come with a side of cabbage slaw that isn't doused in mayonaisse and probably won't kill you in fifteen minutes but you should expect to fall asleep if you eat more than once. Don't worry, you'll be fine.)

   

Seriously, never pay more than $4 for a pupusa. That is a tidbit I'm re-gifting to you from college.