FUCK YOU, people who can't share society with gays.

This is getting ridiculous, with two wars and an economic crisis, you are wasting my time and damaging my future because you won't leave me the fuck alone. I am trying to take my big, faggy college degree and stimulate the fucking economy. So is my hot girlfriend. Stop it.

So you know what I am going to do? Turn your kids gay, ruin your marriage and incite the apocalypse. 

Oh wait. That can't happen. But that seems to be what you're afraid of. So to put your fears to rest, I'll explain.

#1: Gay people don't make people gay. Being gay makes them gay. In fact, most gay people have straight parents. 

#2: Gay marriage doesn't ruin your marriage, unless you have a shitty marriage. That's it. Nothing should ruin your marriage, that is why you married that person. Don't put that on me, shitspouse. 

#3:  Gay people will not incite the apocalypse. Or at least not more than genocide, rape or white collar, mass scale theft. Pretty sure Jesus said like, one thing, ever. Love thy neighbor. Gay people hella do that. Some straight people don't (assuming their neighbors are gay). So from where I am standing, when the brimstone hits the pavement, that is on the breeders.

This anger is birthed for the fucking comments David Tyree of the New York Giants made. Not because I think he made a good argument that would hurt mine, but rather that he said what I have been raging about since the get go.  He said it himself,  "how can marriage be marriage for thousands of years?"and "a minority", why should they get to change that?

So Mr. Tyree, are you saying that underserved minorities shouldn't get to change things, even if they are being hurt in some ways by those rules. Like, if someone is enslaved by the ideas of another, they shouldn't get to rise up because there aren't very many of them.

Fuck you. Fuck all of you. I am going to get married and move in next door and be in a loving, gay relationship in front of your assbag, soon to be bigot, dick kids. Take that to bed with you.

CSA: the Best Thing Ever

I support community agriculture, and so should you.

Every week I walk twenty two blocks downhill to a house that is unfamiliar, cross there lawn and walk up the stairs to their back porch.  I look left, then right, and then I fill my reusable shopping bag with fresh, organic vegetables grown within the limits of Seattle.

Personally, I chose Amaranth Urban Farm in South Seattle. If you are in the area, you should know Nicole, the farmer, is awesome and the rainbow chard is to die for. If you can spare the $30 a week, only $15 if you split it, and pass up the Starbucks and chips, do it. 

The benefits, really, are endless. I am forced to eat fresh vegetables every single day that I purchased for a fraction of what it would have cost me at Whole Foods, PLUS I had to deal with no yuppies, hippies or over concerned soccer moms who bitch about the lines and I never have to hear about nutritional yeast.

That alone is worth the twenty two block walk home that, and this should be fairly obvious, is uphill. All twenty two low grade, root broken blocks of it.

However, nutrition and nutritional yeast free talk aside, it is also important to remember that by supporting a small farm, I am (and you can too!) support a local business and give a farmer a chance to do what they do best. As agribusiness grows, the need for man power is edged out by an abundance of mechanical horsepower. So these vegetables are dream vegetables, as in they are part of someone’s dream. And so am I (and you can be too!)

Around the world farmers are committing suicide, often in the fields that once supported them, because they are weighed down and downright destroyed by debt. Loans to buy seed are necessary in a market that is bent on driving down the bottom dollar to get these raw goods so large corporations can repackage them as “value-added”, corn laced processed foods. Food that has to be fortified because it has been stripped of all natural value so it can be shipped around the world.

The average meal travels almost two thousand miles.

This problem is not isolated. From a farmer Lee Kyung Hae, who committed suicide atop a fence protecting WTO delegates, to every Mexican farmer to chanted his name, all the way to India where farmers are drinking gasoline, people are united. However, they are united in filling the rungs closest to the bottom of the economic ladder. And why? Because of a change in agriculture policy made by Earl Butz, head of the Department of Agriculture in the 1970s (under funnyman Nixon), and the rise of agriculture conglomerates. Planting from fence post to fence post allowed these businesses to grow into what we see today:  thigh growing, penny pinching, IP mongering farm field bullies.

I mean, really, that is exactly what corps like Monsanto are. Round-up ready seeds that are only miracles supposing you buy every single expensive product they need to just survive, on loans typically because the nature of the market and unfair subsidies drives prices well below cost.

So say no to Monsanto and ConAgra and yes to a CSA. It may save your life along with someone else’s. 

Best People Ever

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence

I discovered these lovely ladies at the 2010 Seattle Pride and have been trying to cultivate a beard ever since (however, being a lady there has been no progress).

The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence is an order of queer nuns and, I'll say it, the best order of nuns ever. Seeking to release people from the guilt and shame that bind them, and expose the violence and bigotry that plague our society, the nuns do this through humor as opposed to shame.  These bearded geisha nuns are some of the most beautiful people on earth and do so without sacrificing their wit. Something most beautiful ladies are without.

This is a letter I wrote them that night after the bar which asks them to preside over my big, gay wedding I hope to have someday, and with the passage of gay marriage in New York, I see no reason why they cannot.

<note: the diction is the same, however I did clean up some egregious spelling errors.>

Dear Sisters:

Your troop of fabulous nuns is like, the best. Sometimes when my roommate Collin gets drunk I try to convince him to let me dress him up like you. He has a red beard, so I think it would look really good.

Anyway, I am writing to ask you, any or all of you, to preside over my wedding. That would be the best.

It will be the biggest, gayest wedding of all time, I love you. I would ask you to marry me on the other side of the altar, however we would have some issues because I am pretty sure that under the habit you have a habit of being men. That doesn't mean I don't love you. 

You can become ordained online, I will even pick up the tab for your certificate. I don't think my parents will mind, because the wedding is already going to be gay, glittery and fabulous so its not like I can have some stuffy old guy blabbing about Jesus ruining my shit. However, I do have a grandfather that is a bigot, so if you could give him a special mention, I would appreciate it.

This is serious.

Thank you.

<end letter.>

So uh...seriously. If you are one of these ladies or you know one of these ladies, direct them to this blog post and then to TheMonastery.org, my chosen online ordination company.

Happy Pride

Louie C.K. on gay marriage

A Brief Introduction

Me: a "writer"
This: Call it a Book of Shadows? Except that I am not a Wiccan.
A Wiccan: Someone who believes and follows a contemporary version of polytheistic Paganism. Many call them heathens.
Heathens:  those who care not for technicalities and whose minds rest only in the flesh.
Flesh: cages your organs.
Organs: an instrument played in a church.
Churches: a house for God.
God: is not involved in Wicca, despite its polytheistic nature.
Nature: gets in the way of industry.
Industry: invented by the British and is being mastered by the Rising Tigers of Asia
Rising Tigers of Asia: large cats whose bodies are leaving the ground.

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